Can Old Wine find New Bottle ?

The result is the same, but inputs were totally different. Indian way of family relationship is gradually merging into the American model, but for different reasons. With the advent of 'nuclear' family concept, parents and their children prefer to reside separately after their marriages, even when living in the same city/town. Parents are happy as after a long time they can live according to their own likes and style, children likewise have Independence In fact the new wine had comfortably settled in the new bottle.

This comfort zone extends into retired life as both, parents and children, are financially independent. This phase of freedom lasts for around 15 years in which parents can travel, visit places of interest and indulge in all activities which had been postponed due to 'children' considerations. The only limiting factor of this phase should have been the physical health of individuals(for details see The Golden Sunset Resort). Unfortunately sometimes this does not happen and the comfort zone is shaken due to family compulsions.

Children of yesterday decide to be parents of today. Bringing up an infant into babyhood and then to boy/girlhood needs the gentle touch of grandparents. Are today's grandparents willing to give up their new found freedom? If yes in what form. Nobody wants to repeat the pain from breaking of the joint family all over again, Americans are looking eastward and we are looking westward as both are not happy. What form or shape will the new arrangement take is a million dollar question.

My generation, the one before us and the one after us i.e. 3 generations where caught in the turning point of Indian joint family system. We had taken care of our parents, confident that when the time came, our sons will look after us. We never thought of planning for our old age. Suddenly things started to change. Nuclear family become the order of the day due to sheer compulsion, small flats or NRI status. After retirement parents had to decide how to spend/utilise their time. Once everything is in place over a period of time the issue of having issues which requires grandparents presence becomes a tricky issue. It becomes difficult to drop everything and rush to look after the grandchild that too for limited period.

The question is further complicated as parents and new parents have conflicting motives for their actions/thoughts. Having accepted the nuclear family can the children take it for granted that parents have to come to their aid. Similarly parents have to reshedule their plans and also cope with an unknown fear- will they be able to live alone again after coming so close to their grandchild. Likewise how can anyone ignore or overlook the needs of the little one.

In this entire scenario which grandparent do we have in mind? Reflex answer always is ofcourse the boy's parents. This was true during the joint family system, but today an additional option has been added. In reality it is the girl's parent who are called for duty invariably. The reason is very simple in today's circumstances. Girls are more comfortable with their mother than mother-in-law. Mother-in-laws are aware of this hence wonder whether it is worthwhile to drop everything and go to the son's house. This again raises issues.

Both are right in their thinking yet the grandchild is the main sufferer in the end, hence an equitable solution has to be found. Each aspect will have to be examined in depth before a workable solution is arrived at. Can the old wine, which at tremendous cost, converted into new wine revert back into old wine and find a new bottle? Future bloggs will try to look into this very difficult area.